Men and Balls

I thought since this blog's description includes something about dogs with smushed-in faces, I'd better write a little something on that...

Our Frenchie (French Bulldog), let's call him Merle, is supposed to be nuetered this morning. Our pup is almost eight months old. Modern vetrinary medicine has allowed for ball snippage to be done at a much younger age these days. Usually six months is what most pup-parents aim for.

Not my fiance. First and foremost I should tell you that he his the king of procrastination. No I do not exaggerate. The KING. He's the guy you see in the store on Valentine's Day frantically ripping through the slim-to-none selection that's left of the cards. Or the one standing in the fifty person line on Christmas Eve, arms full of presents. So I attribute much of this neutur delay to that.

The rest I would attribute to that weird sense of ball pride that most men seem to possess. Be it theirs or their dog's. A couple of months ago we were talking finances and dreading the financial hit we were going to take for this expensive (but necessary!) surgery. I can tell when he's about to tell a joke, story, or any other profound piece of wordy mess because he starts licking his lips really fast. This is what he did right before he said, "Why do we have to get him nuetured at all?" (With, I kid you not, a huge mischevious I'm-a-little-boy-about-to-get-away-with-something smile plastered all over his face.) I gave him one of the infamous female "looks".

To this brilliant idea I patiently explained to him the benefits of lobbing off a few pieces of his puppy's precious manhood. Like say... If we get him nuetured we won't have to worry about him turning into Sir Humpsalot whenever guests are over, or stealing the innocence of any of our stuffed animals, pillows, other pets, etc., and most importantly we won't have to worry about any Merle Jrs running around.

He hung his head in defeat. But since then he has been constantly pointing out (with WAY more excitement than is actually warranted) how big Merle's balls are getting. Or how hairy. I don't get you guys. We don't point out other animals' boob areas: Did you see the udders on that cow!?

And what is with those rubber ball thingys you can buy to put on the back of your car or to hang under the trailer hitch of your truck? It's balls. I mean really.